Run with the Sunday Streakers
By Jack McDermott
It has come to my attention that we are not properly using the talents of all the individuals in our Sunday Streakers running group. Therefore, I think it’s about time that we assign some regular responsibilities to certain people to provide a better experience for all runners, including our guests.
The runners below will be responsible for the following items beginning this Sunday with the 10-mile challenge run:
WILL WALKER & TERRA WILLIAMS — They will be responsible for measuring the course. The irony here is that Will will say it’s 12 miles while Terra will say it’s only 8 miles and “relatively flat”. The rest of us will take the average of these two results.
SUE KELLY & JACK MCDERMOTT — Their duty is to pick the daily discussion topic. Most likely the topic will be: “The Pros & Cons of the Nixon Administration’s Economic Policy and its Rammifications on International Commerce from 1969-1974.”
LUCY & TOMMY — They will jointly provide an update on the local “Hasher” events as well as dispense advice on “How to Train for the Kingston Mile.”
JUDY ALEXANDER — Will be responsible for setting an “easy” 9:00 minute-mile pace for the rest of us to follow. (– 9 minutes later, we will all be at the 1.2 mile mark and wondering why we are all out-of-breath).
JACK BRENNAN — Will contemplate different china patterns that he and his fiance Elanita are considering registering for their pending nuptials. Your input would be appreciated.
TOMA WILKERSON — In charge of providing commentary about the uphill portions of the route. She will also count the number of hills.
OSCAR BALTADANO — He will set the start time, and then arrive 12 minutes late to make us all wait. This will allow us extra time to make sure we have properly stretched, thus avoiding injury.
ANN & HOWARD — Will provide a daily weather report for the Panacea area. They will also respond to anyone in the Tallahassee area that complains that they had to drive “too far” to get to this run.
CONNIE MAYO — It is her duty to put out water two miles beyond the halfway point in an out and back course. This, of course, will provide incentive for us to run extra miles so we can get water.
LYNN POWELL — Will be doing double-duty. First she will find some stairs so we can finish our run. She will also be responsible for misplacing her sweaty shirt, blaming some mysterious stranger for stealing it, finding the shirt moments later, and apologizing to the group.
LAUREL SLYCK — Will take a vow of silence while we are running and pretend not to notice our conversation. In actuality, she will be taking notes in order to publish our conversations (i.e. gossip) at a future date so as to embarrass us all.
PAUL HIERS — Will bring the deer-flys and also will remember to forget the bug spray so we will all get bitten. He will also make jokes about why the bugs are attracted to Sue Kelly.
ERIN SHEPARD — Will provide tons of baked goods for after the run. We of course will be too tired to eat them, but will all comment that they “smell good.” This, in turn, will commit us to taking a few pounds of baked goods home with us to do our weekly “carbo-loading”.
PHILIP MUNOZ — Will be in charge of hospitality. He will invite us to run the 10-mile challenge near his house and then either not show up, or show up and NEVER invite us back to his house for breakfast. (I know this is kind of evil, but he’s had my “Piano” video, for what? Three months now?!!? Let’s face it, Philip. The movie is not THAT good!!! Although, it does show Harvey Kietel naked … hmm …..)
JACK MCDERMOTT — Will be our nature guide for the foliage and wildlife along the 10-mile challenge route. He will point out all of the flora and fauna along the course, paying particular attention to the plants on which he has urinated, as well as the circumstances surrounding the urination.
Actually to save time, he may point out the plants on which he has NOT urinated.
In fact, this may create a whole tourist industry. People will come from miles around to inspect the few plants Jack has not peed on in an attempt to figure out what could possibly be wrong with them. Surely, there must be something very odd about these plants to explain why Jack would not condescend to pee on them.
—- OK … everyone has their assignments … now let’s be sure to carry them out.
Incidentally … I was considering posting this to the GWTC e-groups to encourage other people to run with us. What do you think?
Jack Sprat Who Ate No Fat …